“Boundaries are essentially about understanding and respecting our own needs, and being respectful and understanding of the needs of others” – Stephanie Down, Clinical Psychologist.
What are boundaries?
Boundaries are guidelines and expectations that we set in relationships. Boundaries help both parties understand how to behave. It helps children to develop greater empathy, self-awareness, assertiveness and respect for self and others.
How to teach our children about boundaries?
Helping your child make a plan for what to do when someone disrespects their feelings or boundaries provides them with the chance to practice standing up for themselves.
For example, you could ask, “What are some ways you could let John know you don’t like it when he takes your toy car without asking?” Go over some simple phrases your child can use to advocate for themselves: “Please stop.” “I don’t like that.” “It’s my turn now.”
Setting an example and practise what you preach and be consistent in your behaviours and expectations.
For example, before leaving home for an excursion, set an expectation, “We will not be buying any toys today. If you see anything you would love to buy, we can take note and put in into your wish list.” “If there were any temper tantrums then we will end our excursion and come back home straight with no new fun activities planned for the next weekend.” This helps children to be aware of the boundary and prevent misbehaviour.
Another way to model behaviour is to take your child’s limits seriously
Really listen when your child tells you what is, and isn’t, okay with them, and take their requests to heart whenever possible. As adults, dismissing children’s boundaries is often something we do all the time without even realizing it.
For example, If a child says she hates being tickled, don’t say, ‘Oh, it is just for fun, don’t be petty.’ Instead say, ‘I hear you and I won’t do it again.’”
Benefits of teaching children about boundaries:
Empathy and Compassion
It’s kind and respectful to tell people what’s okay and what’s not okay with you. This sets clear expectations.
Self-Awareness and Assertiveness
In order to set boundaries, you need to pay attention to how you’re feeling and what you need. This helps to develop self-awareness. By being more self-aware, they can confidently request others to treat you in ways that fulfill your needs. Setting boundaries will help your child develop assertiveness skills that will help them in all aspects of their life.
Feel happier and important.
If there were no boundaries, we overcommit, we overspend precious time on things that are less or not important to us, we do things that conflict with our values, we felt mistreated. These results in anger and resentment. But when we set limits, speak up for ourselves, and communicate our needs and expectations clearly, we are happier and feel more respected.
