Guidepost in this resilience roadmap: Positive Scripts
In our first article about raising a resilient child, we mentioned that positive scripts mean using positive language when communicating with our children.
In this article, we are going to discuss further on using positive script. Using positive scripts is another aspect of practising mindful parenting. Many parents find that their words, though repeated to their children over extended periods – ranging from weeks to even years- the anticipated results often remain the same. Still, they continue using these approaches, sometimes more forcefully than before. Negative communication patterns in parenting, including both words and actions, can hinder resilience and lead to increased family conflicts.
Using Positive Script Starts with Understanding Ourselves.
1. To kickstart mindful parenting, start by understanding the way you communicate with your children. When issues arise, take a moment to think about what you can do differently. Resilient parents focus on changing themselves before asking their children to change. The key is in the parents’ actions. We can use these reflection questions to guide us, such as, “What actions or omissions of mine have made communication with my child less effective, and how can I begin to improve this situation?”
2. Identify observable aspects in your child’s behaviour rather than relying on judgmental terms. For instance, instead of saying, “My child is stubborn and never listens to us,” consider exploring the underlying reasons for your child’s lack of receptiveness. Reflect on the words and tone you use to communicate with them.
3. Once you’ve pinpointed the unsuccessful approaches, move on to exploring potential solutions. Establish an attainable goal and approach the situation with curiosity rather than a fixed mindset about your child. There might be multiple solutions to try before discovering the most effective one.
Foster open communication by expressing yourself directly with positive language. For instance, say, “I would appreciate your help with the dishes; it would speed up the chore, and we could head out for ice cream sooner. How does that sound?” Instead of using accusatory language like, “You’re always lazy and never help me!”
A tough lesson is realising we can only control ourselves. We should not attempt to control our children, but we become models of resilience through our words and actions. We have the power to guide and inspire our children. It all starts with us.
“Your child is a reflection of you, so be who you want them to be.” – Eileen Tan
