Guidepost in this resilience roadmap: Acceptance
In our previous blog post, we talked about celebrating success, giving specific praises to your child instead of flattery. We also talked about identifying their strengths. In this article, we will focus on accepting them as a whole, their strengths and vulnerabilities. Accepting your child’s unique temperament can be one of the most challenging leaps for parents.
Children who feel accepted are more secure in asking for help, learning how to solve problems, and reinforcing a resilient mindset. Once you understand the process of acceptance and its role in nurturing a resilient mindset, you can better develop realistic expectations and goals for your child.
Just as we all have different physical features, we have different temperament that is influenced by our environment, learning styles, strengths and vulnerabilities.
Keys to practise acceptance:
- Learn About Your Child
The most important thing you can do is to understand the differences in your child’s temperament, development, and behaviour, and use this knowledge to guide your parenting. Be mindful not to fall into the trap of “I accept you BUT…”
Understand the unique qualities your child has from birth. This helps us promote acceptance.
- Measure Your Expectations
Below is an activity adapted from Raising Resilient Children by Robert Brooks, PH.D., and Sam Goldstein, PH.D. which is very useful to help you visualize how your expectations and reactions may influence your feelings of acceptance or disappointment toward your children.
- Try this activity:
- Take a piece of paper and divide it into two sections.
- In the first section, write or draw the behaviours and feelings you had hoped to see in your child.
- In the second section, write or draw the behaviours and feelings that have actually emerged in you.
- Take another piece of paper and divide it into three sections.
- In the first section, write down how you thought you would respond and react to your child’s behaviours and feelings.
- In the second section, write down how you actually respond and react.
- In the third section, note any instances where there is a mismatch between your expectations and your child’s behaviour, and how this leads to actions and feelings on your part that you had not considered.
- Initiate Necessary Changes.
If our expectations match our child’s behaviour, it’s easier for us to accept them. However, if there’s a mismatch, we must be the ones to initiate change.
Remember, there’s nothing wrong with our dreams or hopes for our child. We must be able to modify our expectations and dreams to prevent parental perceptions of failed hopes. One example of adjustment is the use of positive language.
- Collaboration
It’s important to work with your child to set appropriate goals and expectations. Once you understand your child’s uniqueness and accept them, it’s easier to engage in problem-solving discussions about goals and expectations. When we communicate expectations in a loving and supportive way, children are often motivated to exceed them.
Everyone is unique and different, they grow and learn in different ways and pace. Our role is to support them in their learning journey.
